3 Ways to Stop Talking Yourself Out of Relationships Before They Start

Ming The Matchmaker – CEO of Color Blind International

If you’re feeling burnout when it comes to dating and relationships, you’re not alone. When things are going left, it can literally feel like you are in a relationship with someone that speaks a different language. It could be in the literal sense if you’re dating or in a relationship with someone of a different race or culture. And it could be in a figurative and literal sense — at the same time!

People train themselves to quit in relationships before they even start. I meet these types of people often as a matchmaker. I find that a common theme amongst those that are “romantically frustrated” is that they have trained themselves to fail at relationships before they have a chance to build a solid one.

Instead of dating with the intention of gaining experience and obtaining more information about yourself and your choices, people tend to date with expectations and find themselves disappointed and resentful. These feelings are compounded with each dating experience that doesn’t go as “expected” and is transferred and experienced as baggage by those interested in engaging an individual as a potential mate.

In my experience taking couples from Matched to Married, I offer the following three ways to avoid setting yourself up for disappointment.

  1. Date without expectation. Every interaction with a person should not lead to a dating arrangement. Ever heard the phrase “Season. Reason. Lifetime.”? I tell my clients to use this as a measurement in assessing dating options. If you’re paying attention and allow your gut instincts to guide you, you’ll know whether someone is a “season” or could be “lifetime-worthy”. So, with that, every new introduction doesn’t have to become an entanglement that you’ll soon have to unravel yourself out of.
  2. Date to gain knowledge. Dating gives you information. According to Wikipedia, dating is an art practiced in Western societies where two people meet socially with the goal of assessing each other’s suitability as a prospective partner for possible long-term relationship. In other words, dating provides an opportunity to gain more knowledge about what you like or don’t like in a potential mate and applying it accordingly.  

I tell my clients to use the “friends first” approach while dating. This gives you the advantage to learn more about you and your interests as well as the person or people you’re dating. It’s also fun and helps to manage disappointment, lessen baggage and not waste time.

3. Date without attachment. Dating gives you invaluable experience. When you approach dating with an intention to enjoy the experience and to learn more about yourself, your preferences and other people, you allow the organic flow of dynamism to work in your favor. If it’s meant to be, it will. If it’s not, it’s OK and no time is wasted, and no feelings are hurt — or they shouldn’t be.

If you want to learn more about my Matched to Married approach, don’t hesitate, get in touch!

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